On the up and up again

So it's been more than a week since my last post, which sucks, because weekly was the goal, but in the meantime a lot has happened so:
--OMHU--
I finally saw my therapist. She is great. And she asked me really thoughtful questions that led me to think about parts of my life in new ways. And she gave me good, doable homework, includng trying natural solutions before looking into meds, which cause me a huge amount of anxiety. So now I'm taking vitamin D3 and fish oil everyday, and I don't know if it's a placibo thing or what, but I legitimately feel better. And I'm taking steps to deal with some of my other stuff, so positives all around.

Which leaves me feeling awesome, and super weird at the same time. I'm back in to many of my old routines, which feels a lot better than lying around feeling like a waste of space, but my routine has a tendency to be incredibly unproductive. And I'm currently trying to write a musical, and being nagged at by a novel that's three years behind where I wanted it to be.

I know that immediately trying to do all the things is also not very productive, because one cannot do all the things, even when highly motivated, without help. I also know that schedules would probably makey life a lot easier. I also also know that schedules and I are not generally on the best of terms.

Deadlines, the bane of my existence, are hard to stick to. And yet I want to eventually publish a book, hopefully several, and I want whatever is in the cards for this assortment of music I've written to happen. And it won't unless I make space in my life for it.

So maybe that's my very belated resolution this year. (For the record, resolutions are stupid unless actually given concrete goals and deadlines that are actually manageable.) I am going to have a reading of my musical. This year. Before I leave for camp this summer. Which might be lofty, and will put me incredibly far out of my comfort zone, but I want this to be a thing. A real thing. That other people get to hear.

Because mental health matters. And it's still something that is either brushed under the rug or dismissed as less important. And we should have good stories that make it okay to talk about. And I'm writing one of those.

Wow that feels weird to say.