Once again I've let far too much time go in between posts and now you all are going to have to jump around my psyche like ping pong balls while I sort it. Sorry.
This evening's post is at least brief. I just went to my first audition since college. And it was terrible. I couldn't remember my monologue past the second line. And even if I had I wouldn't have been able to speak it because I walked into the audition space and lost my ability to breathe.
And now I sit on a ferry having cried first to get the remaining nerves out of my system and then because it hurt to fall. And I contemplate all the reasons God could possibly have had for telling me to do this. Some of them are not so great, some of them I thought is dealt with, (stage fright? Are you kidding me?) and one that gives me just a little more hope: I tried. I ignored the endless voices that tell me I suck, and I never no business doing what I do, or even bothering with it. I told them to stuff it when they tried to make me feel small. I flipped them the proverbial bird when they tried to tell me the pain wasn't worth the bravery it takes to get my introverted butt up on stage even though it's something I love. In the loving words my friend Natalie sent me earlier tonight: I am woman, I am strong, a I break all the legs.
I'm so proud of you for getting up there and auditioning even when you felt afraid to! Auditioning is hard, scary work, and it takes practice...you've crossed the threshold of not having done it for awhile, and I hope that you find this experience gives you strength to keep trying, because you'll get back into the swing of it! You have so many talents and Natalie is right, you break all the legs!
ReplyDeleteI thought it was so great that even though you had an excellent excuse for not going at all (your car), you went any way. I know it was hard for you and I still believe that you are called to both things. It's not the fall that matters; it's the picking yourself up after the fall that does. You are AMAZING!
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