Friends I'm pissed. Like, seriously upset today. I was going to wait until after I'd talked to some people to sort this one out, but screw it. I have a question and I want it answered.
What is so wrong with being a woman? What is it about the things culture says my sex should like, do or be that 'real' men find so utterly appalling? Why is a guy dressing up as little red riding hood so his daughter can be the wolf, or a dad and his friends forsaking a football game to play dress up with his daughter so mind altering? Where did we go so wrong that in order to be truly masculine, or feminine for that matter, we have to give up everything of the other trait?
I follow a God who is both and all and everything. So I don't have to pick. And I'm not going to. And I'm not going to teach kids of any age, ethnicity or cultural background that being a girl/boy/man/woman looks a certain way because putting people in boxes limits their potential.
Especially when you (in the ambiguous sense, not anyone in particular) tell guys that wearing makeup or dresses, being into certain types of music or art or sports, or doing anything that sends them outside a typical 1950's view of gender roles somehow makes them less of a man. Because you are wrong. On two counts.
Count One:
Man and woman are titles determined by sex organs. They do not change based in someone's actions or interests. Women are women for life. Men are men for life. One clarification would be transgender people, who identify differently than they were born, but I don't know enough about those narratives or the people attached to them to comment beyond acknowledging that they exist. Gender on the other hand, is a very different issue.
Gender is a social construct created by a culture as a means of determining who does what. Some of it has to do with physiology, some with preexisting cultural or religious beliefs, but on the whole it's completely contrived. Yes, there are women who enjoy housework, want to spend their days raising a family and cooking and whatnot, and are fully and completely content with such a life style. And there are plenty of men who dig working however and wherever they do. I'm in no way saying those life choices are wrong, because it's their choice to do so if they wish. It's not up to me to decide what brings people joy.
Which brings us to Problem Two:
By telling a boy/man that they are less of a 'man' because of an interest or mannerism does a disservice not only to his understanding of his identity as a male, but it also puts an inherently lower value on the said 'feminine' trait. Whether it's meant that way or not, you're pretty much saying that in order to appear as an appropriately gendered individual you can't participate in activities that the other gender does. Except that females are considered powerful, manipulative, or over stepping bounds if they attempt masculine traits, where males are considered weak, unmanly, even homosexual for falling into roles or traits that are deemed feminine.
And that's what bothers me when a job like stay-at-home-Mom/Dad is so looked down on in some parts of our culture. Being a stay at home dad means who've somehow failed in the working world. That your wife has to 'bring home the bacon' is absurd because we all know that real men can't take care of kids and have no nurturing instincts whatsoever. Even some parts of feminism look down on those roles because we should have somehow grown out of such stuck at home kinds of not-work and made something of ourselves instead of wasting our lives chained to a house and kids.
But that's not any more helpful to a cause that supports feminism, because according to our culture, those are feminine things. Should people in general have a choice about what they do with their lives? Of course. Should somewhat archaic ideas about what it means to be a 'man' or a 'woman' be tossed out the window so that we can better embrace who we are created to be? Duh. But let's make sure that we're not continuing to glorify only certain traits. As stated above, God is a whole lot bigger than just one western view of 'man-ness'. We may call God father, but the Creator is a being of infinite wisdom and infinite love. We are created in his image, not the other way around, so rather than placing value on certain traits, shouldn't we be trying out different ones and seeing exactly who it is God made us to be?
So I ask again, my male friends, family members, and co-sojourners: What is it that makes being a woman somehow less valuable than being a man? Why can't you like the 'things women like'? And if you don't buy into the stereo types, tell me more about why.
Come on, dudes, time to share.
I like your blog a lot! I think I'm gonna be stopping by more often and adding you to my blogroll. :) Moving on, three main points:
ReplyDelete1. It's not about what you pick, it's about who you are.
2. Sex is biological, but God created biology, and I don't think he would just randomly assign souls to certain bodies if there wasn't something specific about those bodies that was specific to who they are.
3. Men brains and women brains do function differently. I'm no physiologist, but testosterone and estrogen, and the way neurons work between different bodies (depending on man or woman, I am ignorant on transgender people so I can't comment with any reliability on that) does make a difference to personality.
All this to say that I think gender constructs are so rigid because it's part of human nature to take the most obvious of differences and dilute them into hateable soundbites. Race and gender are the two big ones. I read a blogger awhile ago, or maybe it was a stand-up comedian, who talked about the reason men hate women is because they can never get women off their minds, and they buy fancy cars and start wars and rule kingdoms and slaughter thousands all because they wanted to impress a pretty girl. This is pretty simplistic, but I think it touches on something true.
I do agree that someone's interests or hobbies shouldn't be what defines them as a person. Many different kinds of people can have the same love of books for example. However, genders are uniquely defined. You mention a God who encompases everything. This is true, but we are not God. In fact the union of the two different genders (marriage) is supposed to be one of the most glorifying things to God. Dozens of studies have proved there is more than a biological difference between man and woman. The thought that a woman (or man) would be worth less just becuase they are different is wrong, but the fact is men and women are different. Instead of using that to seperate us though, we need to embrace it. God is all about unity in diversity, and I think that's one of the most beautiful things. Different roles does not mean different importance or value. That being said, I do think the world has a skewed definition of what these 'gender roles' are, and does make it about who is more important and valuable. It's really sad actually; changing something that's meant to be beautiful and glorifying into an ugly fight of who is 'on top'.
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