Measure in Love

It's December 31st 2013 and a million and one facebook posts are about all the big stuff that has happened this year. As I join in the fun and look back at my year, it's a bit of a mixed bag.

I went to Sundance.
One of my very good friends got fired. From a church.
I completely lost sight of the reason I'm going into ministry.
I avoided conflict.
I continued to hang out with the amazing people I love and cherish.
I carried on in ministry even though I had no idea why.
I got my first real, paying theater gig.
I found a congregation that is no better or worse than my previous one, but of a size and temperament that suits me.
I said said so long, but not goodbye.
I started singing in a praise band again.
I took the summer off from school.
I rediscovered my love of teaching. And discovered my love of teaching theater.
I got my second real, paying theater job.
I took on less.
My brother got married.
I learned about music and the ways that it brings us together.
I took one too many classes.
I started counseling.
I finished my first novel.
I continued to be lost in an existential quandary about the church and my place in it.
I had my first pang of longing for Seattle while I was away.
I experienced my first not-magical Christmas.
And I realized that growing up means eventually having to grieve the loss of the home you grew up in.

So it was a pretty big year. Part of me wants to join a friend's sentiment's and say, "good riddance". But a bigger part of me knows that 525,600 minutes can be a surprisingly important amount of time in one's life. So, like the song says, I'm going to measure in Love.

This was the first full year I spent with the Carlsons. And the love and affection I've been shown by all seven members of the family (though I do wish the dogs would show a little less) has been abounding to say the least. I have watched my three lovely children, and they are mine by now, grow into slightly bigger, still completely wonderful little people. They make me laugh, they make me crazy, and I couldn't imagine not seeing them everyday. Jeny and Lars have been no less loving, though somewhat less affectionate, and I don't know what I'd do without Jeny to make me laugh and listen when life sucks, and Lars to fix stuff for me and lend me tools.

It's also the first year Michaela has lived in Seattle, though not a full one yet. And I'm loving it. She and Charles helped me find my new church, and now that she's around we all hang out a lot more. To the both of you, thank you for being amazingly adorable and the best friends a girl could have. And congratulations about deciding to spend the rest of your lives together.

To everyone at home. I feel like this was the year I discovered that as much as I love the Tri-Cities and everyone in it, it's not home anymore. It's been a hard realization, but probably a long time coming. So thank you all, for your presence, for your support, and for your love. Obviously I'm not saying goodbye forever, because TC will always be my hometown, but know that as I move to a new chapter of my life I take all you've taught me with me, and I appreciate the lessons and the love more than you'll ever know.

This is also the first year I haven't worked at UPC (though the first bit of the year I was still there) and so I must grieve to some degree my loss of connection with everyone there as well. I'm still around to some degree, but a much smaller one, and I miss you all. I miss coffee and room cleaning with Missi, and coffee and random drop ins with Dani, and causing Rita to get nothing done at all because I stopped in for a chat. And of course all of my families and my lovely little preschoolers. I wish you all all the best, and I expect I'll pop in eventually to say hi and see everyone.

So here's to 2013. Parts of it sucked, parts of it were great. Like I said, mixed bag. But whatever has happened is in the past, and there's a whole 'nother year to look forward to. So bring it on 2014. I'm ready for life, for love, and to turn 25 as terrifying as that thought may be. I'm not making resolutions, because it's doubtful I'd keep them anyway, but I will make a promise. This year, I promise to discover something new about myself, love the people around me as best I can, and figure out another reason God put me on the planet. Cause really, what more can you expect from a year?