The last time I tried to write this post it ended up being about the Kingdom at large, and chances are this one will too, but the thing that was really bugging me didn't get written down. So here it is folks, part two, the sequel, which will hopefully be in the vein of Toy Story 2, The Empire Strikes Back, and D2: The Mighty Ducks, rather than Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest...
Carrying on. The original purpose of the first post was to mini-rant about a comment a classmate made last quarter that is still kind of plaguing me even now. And since I'm feeling all bolstered having just discovered Mackelmore's Same Love (yea, I know, super behind the times) and believe it or not, scripture, I decided now was the time to get my thoughts out.
Here's the deal:
Our last class session of the quarter we went through a case study (which was the point of the class) which happened to center around a communication issue that had to do with beliefs about gay marriage and gay ordination (or as many of us like to think about them, marriage and ordination). Our professor did his best to keep the conversation focused on the actual issues of the study: communication between supervisors and interns, working in a church with beliefs you don't necessarily agree with, what exactly it means for a church or denomination to have a set of beliefs. But eventually we came around to 'the big' issue of homosexuality. And as I always do I lead with my broadest belief.
I believe we're called to love, first and foremost. Anything else is secondary to loving each other, and loving God. And then I was challenged in a way I haven't been challenged before, at least in this context. He asked me what it meant to love someone, and then, without me answering, he told me.
Love is like (the man has a million metaphors, and I think two of them didn't make me want to stab my Bible) when he had to tell his son that sometimes the way his son spoke was embarrassing, not for my classmate, but for the son himself. My classmate said that his son had been hurt and was embarrassed by his father's words, but that's the way life is, sometimes we have to hurt the people we love to make sure they're living right.
And on that, dear friends, random people who find this, and the Church at large, I call bullshit.
Apologies, I don't normally curse on this blog because I publish it where my students can read it, but in this case I feel it's necessary. The idea that love should ever hurt is stupid. Not only is it stupid, it's dangerous. Far more so than someone doubting, or turning away, or running the opposite direction when it comes to faith. Because the idea that love can, and should, cause hurt if necessary makes love unsafe. And that makes God unsafe.
I have a number of friends who were hurt by their respective churches, either through abuse by one person or a group within the church or by teachings or doctrinal leanings that say, you don't fit so change or get out. And those friends have either left the Church entirely, and/or have an incredibly warped picture of who God is. I think 'tough love' is probably the biggest reason for that.
The most frustrating part of it is that we're given an incredibly clear picture of what love is, and transitively, who God is. And what do we do with it? We make it the verse we pull out when people decide to get married, as though that were the only time such a definition would be necessary. As though we don't walk around everyday needing a definition for how to treat the people we are meant to bring the gospel to. As though we don't need the reminder, everyday, of what it means to treat each other with the same love we're meant to show God. We have a definition of love. It even comes from Paul, so everyone should be able to get behind it. And yet we believe that 'love' that hurts people is a good use of our time. That's not love.
Love is patient;
Love is kind;
Love is not envious
Love is not boastful
Love is not arrogant
Love is not rude.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonor others,
Love is not self seeking,
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs,
Love does not insist on its own way;
Love is not irritable
Love is not resentful;
Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
Love does rejoice in the truth.
Love always protects,
Love always trusts,
Love always hopes,
Love always perseveres.
Love bears all things,
Love believes all things,
Love hopes all things,
Love endures all things.
Love never ends.
Love never fails.
And that's only two translations.
Nowhere in these words do I see words that say, 'love means sometimes you have to hurt people to get your point across.' I do see words that say, 'people are going to have to come at this faith thing from a lot of different sides and perspectives' and love is going to let them, even if it seems wrong.
Love is going to see people before it sees opinions, and it's going to treat everyone with the grace and respect the Creator's creation demands. Love is going to trust that God's got the after death stuff handled so it can focus on the people still here. Love is going to protect those that can't protect themselves, or speak up for themselves, or do for themselves, and it's going to do it in the knowledge that it's not getting anything back. Love is going to carry on loving even when no one sees, or appreciates, or cares, because God does, and Love does, and nothing else matters. Love is going to fight all the bigotry and hate and pride and self satisfaction and self righteousness this world, and this Church are so full of. And Love is going to win.
Because what God wants, more than anything else, is for us to love. To love the being that creates, redeems, and councils us, and even more, to love each other. And God never fails. Because Love never fails.
We got a good picture of love in the life of Christ, and there were times where he did not mince words in calling out sin. We need not hurt or judge to warn people of the dangerous power of sin with and in love. In fact, if we truly love people, it is our duty to warn them if they are destroying their lives with sin. Paul's speech about love (my favorite chapter of the Bible) nowhere says that love does not hurt. Because you know what? Sometimes, the truth does hurt. Sometimes it stings like a b***h. When one lives in darkness, the healing love of the light is guaranteed to hurt, but it is also guaranteed to heal. Oftentimes, yes, we Christians do not love the way Paul and Jesus command us too. However, I think we also have got to be careful to not go too far in the other direction to a vanilla smiley face version of love. If there's one thing that Paul's picture of love and Jesus's life say to me, it's that love is uncompromising and real. It's a powerful tool and one that, when wielded clumsily or cautiously, can cut or fail to do any good at all. Love will win, not because it's an emotion free of hurt or anger (Jesus got ANGRY! Jesus got brokenhearted.) but because it incorporates all of pain in the world into a healing light that acknowledges the brokenness of this world and how the only way to repair it is to step into the fire to be refined.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what God wants, more than anything else, is for us to love Him. First and foremost. When we love Him just because He commands us to, then love from others naturally flows outward from that.
1, sign your comments if you're going to be anonymous. 2, Jesus got angry at the people in power, the one's who thought they had it all figured out and were using their 'knowledge and truth' to beat on those less powerful, and the one's who were using money as a way to keep others from God. We may need to be refined by fire, but Jesus didn't just go around pushing people into it. To the people that were accepting of his love, because they knew they needed it, he was kind, and yes, forthright, but only when he was asked. He didn't push his own agenda on anyone, he gave them a choice that they could take or leave. But we're not God, we can't give people those choices, we don't have the authority. We don't get to decide when someone else is 'ready' to follow God or change their life because that decision is not about us, especially not if we're not asked to be a part of it.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the anonymity. It wouldn't let me post my usual wordpress link. I'll try again this time. I agree with pretty much everything you said, my point with my post was that we can't be afraid of confrontation, of hurt feelings, of anger from people because sometimes love does require that, sometimes especialy within the body of Christ. I've gotten pissed and hurt at people who were sincerely trying to show me the love of Christ. Even when we try to give honest and Christ-like love sometimes the pride of the receiver will cause them to take it the wrong way, and if they take it poorly, or defensively, it doesn't necessarily mean we've failed to love them, and fear of soliciting those kinds of reactions should not keep us from showing them real love. I can't tell you how many times I've been hurt by my parents or pissed at them for enforcing rules upon me or warning me if I'm doing something dangerous or sinful. But they HAD to, because they loved me. I never asked them for their advice, but they were duty-bound to give it to me. And okay, that's not the best example, because we don't have authority over other people like a parent has authority over their child, but I hope it gives at least some picture of how love can sometimes sting, and it doesn't make it any less loving.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just saying that there will come a time when giving love is not pretty. It's powerful stuff, and people won't always react well to it. But before there can be real healing, there needs to be an awareness of the pain, and people may find that unpleasant. We as humans suck at knowing what is killing us, and God put us here to help each other with love to get ourselves out of our self-destructive cycles and into a relationship with Him. God wants to use us to get people "ready" to follow Him, WITH love, which is not just a feeling, it's a verb. If we're truly loving with the love of Christ, we would be winning souls for the Kingdom right and left, bringing people back into where they belong - God's arms. But if our love leads us to a place where we are full of non-Christian friends who like us because we're not one of "those" Christians, and they remain peacably at ease with their sinful nature, what have we done? Our love has not ACTED upon their sin. I'm not talking about Bible-thumping or shoving salvation down people's throats, I'm just saying that love engenders results. "Love" is the first and basically only command, but it does not stop there. Sometimes love may mean confronting a dear friend, going through some uncomfortable rejection, or any number of things that make us uncomfortable, but are still God's will and still fall under the umbrella of love.
And I like the sentiment your post expressed, that showing love should be our primary concern as Christians. But we also need to be careful not to dilute love. Condemnation and judgement seem to be the hallmark of the older generation now, which has no place in the body of Christ. But then I see the younger generation leaning too far in the other direction - to a place where we compromise how we love just so we don't offend anybody or step on any toes because that wouldn't be "loving." I think there's a danger in both ways of thinking. Love is not just an emotion or a good feeling. God is love, but love is not God. Keep up your posts, post more frequently, they are always a fascinating read. :)
-Brandon S.