So I had a very interesting experience in class today that has led to some interesting musings, and apparently I'm not sleeping until I share them, so here goes.
On Tuesday nights I attend a three hour class called Personality, Theology, and Pastoral Counseling. It's crazy interesting (don't bother pardoning the pun, it's stupid) and I'm learning a lot of really helpful stuff, but the occurrence that has led to this blog post I wish I was writing in my sleep came from the interaction of two of my classmates during our break.
The lady and gentleman in question had been discussing the latest church snafu that somehow involves Mark Driscoll and I've paid little attention to because I don't typically engaged in activities whose only purpose is to make me angry. Anyway, the gentleman attends Mars Hill and had some interesting thoughts to share about Mark and the church which I've heard before from people and so took as honest opinion from a member of a congregation that I have never stood amongst and so have no right to judge. The lady then asked him if he thought a woman would have the same feelings in the congregation. Gentleman was honest in his answer that while he couldn't actually know the women's perspective, having never been one himself, there were women leading groups of other women, children, and youth, they just couldn't be pastors, or I venture to guess, lead mixed groups, or groups of men, which he admitted, a little meekly, that he actually agreed with.
Now before half of you jump on your feminist soap boxes and the other half tell me to get off mine, let me make it clear that while I was rather annoyed with a statement that directly called into question the authenticity of my call (at least in his eyes, which doesn't innately effect me personally) I wasn't offended by the fact that he thinks I shouldn't be a pastor because I am a woman. He is entitled to his own opinion, and getting pissed at him or quoting correctly often misused scripture isn't necessarily going to change his mind.
As much as I wanted to smile in that twist half demure half prove-me-wrong-I-dare-you way and beg him to explain his thinking, I didn't get the chance. So when my mind drifted there tonight I began to wonder what it was about that comment that had me still a little riled. Because honestly, it wasn't the girls-can't-be-pastors mentality that really had me itching to jump down his throat. As stated in my previous post, I grew up hearing that girls couldn't do a lot of things. And as my dad wrote me in the incredibly sweet email I received from him the next day (because I have the coolest, sweetest father in the entire world) he told me that so I would prove him wrong, and I have. Frequently. No, being told I can't do something because I'm a woman makes me try harder (although I don't think it's a message we should be spreading universally, and it only worked in my situation because I had men in my life who knew better than to assume that I was less because of my sex) so what about this gentleman's comment and lack of explanation had me so upset? That's just it. The lack of explanation.
I've been having trouble the last few weeks properly articulating my thoughts about scripture. In all honestly I've been having trouble doing my regular reading. I've kind of gotten to a place where I'm fine with reading it, or having it read and sermonized on, but I haven't been internalizing much and I certainly haven't heard anything new. Nothing is jumping out at me. Nothing is catching me off guard. Nothing is exciting me the way I know scripture has the capacity to do. The revelation I've gotten recently has been more meaningful to me, and thus has become more important to me that the so called Living Word. When I talked about it with my supervisor/mentor/coworker+, she articulated quite well the importance of taking that revelation and holding it up to scripture to find how they connect, rather than throwing out the things my revelations seem to contradict on the surface, which is a much taller order than just assuming that I interpret God's message better or more culturally relevantly than Paul did.
What does any of that have to do with this schmuck from my class? Everything. Because as I laid here trying to sleep but being so stuck on what his response could have been I realized that the answer that would have pissed me off most wouldn't have been, "Because you're a woman and therefore not as smart/strong/competent as a man." It would have been, "Because the Bible says so."
I'm not going to rant about all the things the Bible says that we don't do anymore, because that argument seems pretty much useless to me. I'm not even going to bring up how culturally aware you need to be when you read the Bible because everything has context. Nor am I going to mention any of the more perilous arguments about the writers of the Bible mostly being men, likewise the people that put the book together. Because I do truly believe that the Bible is God's inspired word. That what is included should be there. That I was given all the tools I needed to figure it out before I was even born. Because you know what? God gave me a brain. He gave me his spirit to guide me. And he gives me the ability to choose things for myself.
Now before we jump down Gentleman's throat for being a sheep that follows the Christian herd and can't think for himself, let's remember that we have no idea what his reason for his belief that woman shouldn't be pastors is. For all we know he has very solid, deeply thought through theology to back up his interpretation of scripture to which I say, "I disagree, sir, and I refuse to accept such a belief, but I appreciate that you thought about it and came to your own conclusions." And provided he was also able to accept that I see thing differently and that my views were no less acceptable than his own we could part as friends. The alternative being that his only reason for belief is "because the Bible says so" with absolutely no explanation as to why he thinks the Bible says that and only a few well rehearsed verses to chuck at me and condemn me with.
But what's the point of free will, and brains, and a Spirit to guide us if we're all just going to regurgitate word for word what the Bible says without taking anytime to understand it? This isn't a test ladies and gentlemen. Our grade doesn't depend on the right answer. Jesus school, as one of our pastors calls it, is much more open ended than that. And while I think there are some answers people reach that are flat out wrong, answers that are etched with hate or deceit or a spirit of self importance, Christ is a gentle enough teacher to correct with love rather than flunking us.
The point of scripture isn't to get the right answer, it's to get an answer and live up to it. And if it's not quite right, God will fix it. it may hurt, and we may not realize until long after we've changed our answer where our previous mistake was. The biggest mistake we can make is assuming we haven't made one. Cause let's face it, none of us are EVER going to figure out exactly how this life functions at maximum capacity. None of us are going to get 100% on this test. And God doesn't expect us to. That's not what he wants (if I can be so bold as to presume to know such things). I believe He wants us to learn from our mistakes. To see them not as failings, but as room to grow and trust more in him and become the people that are equipped enough and stable enough in their faith to share it with the next generation. To change this world, little by little, into the one he created us for so long ago.
So I'm gong to think about scripture. And the ways it contradicts itself. And the things that confuse me. And the parts of God that don't really look like God to me. And I'm going to wonder about them. And I'm going to fight about them with God and other people and scripture itself. But I'm going to do it knowing that my comprehension will never be complete. That there will always be things I don't see from all the angles God intended it to be seen from. That I will never have an understanding of God that is whole. That there will always be new things to discover and parts of God that are unknown to me. And I'm going to relish the challenge. And the adventure. And the closeness I will gain with God and the people I learn from and teach. And, at least in part, I will better know my Creator, my community, and myself. And if I'm being totally honest, I believe that that's all God's every really wanted.
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